Alas, for those of you caught up in hanging Christmas lights and buying presents, it turns out that the world is going to end on December 21, 2012 according to the Mayan Calendar.
Yes, some may question why people living in the age of quantum physics and the Internet should worry about the scheduling habits of a people who pulled ropes with thorns through their tongues and genitals to commune with the gods, but those people clearly do not spend enough time on the Internet.
If you do a little searching – and ignore NASA’s page of lies about how the world is definitely not ending, you will find some very interesting people readying themselves for the apocalypse. There seems to be some consensus on remote villages in various parts of Europe being the only safe havens in the coming storm. So this is either the real thing or a savvy ancient Mayan marketing campaign for European vacations.
Like any reasonable person, I like to hedge my bets. That is why I have been stocking up on rifles, ammo, canned goods, generators and ropes with thorns. If the world ends on schedule, please know that it has been a pleasure sharing this earth with you - and I will shoot you if you try to steal my canned tuna.
If, however - in some wild and improbable trick of fate - the earth does not become a post-apocalyptic wasteland on the twenty-first, I’d like to wish you all a merry Christmas and assure you that I would never shoot such wonderful people over canned tuna. Cans of Stagg Chilli, maybe, but never tuna. Merry Christmas!
